In the latest installment of the blog, we teetered more towards self-reflection. We were all about allowing yourself to process your emotions, and determine whether or not those emotions needed some action (because, like we said, not everything needs to be worked on). And I'm sure that given the time you were thinking those, you were also inadvertently working on them.
It could be taking long naps to sleep off feeling sad, working out to avoid feeling anxious, eating to avoid feeling stressed. We're all trying to alleviate ourselves of the stress, so we turn to things that we feel are good for us in the moment. It's called a coping mechanism, and that's normal.
But here's the thing: Some of us cope the wrong way. It's called maladaptive coping.
The most common types of maladaptive coping during lockdown are escape (sound familiar, reader who has barely showered and instead binge watched 100 hours of RuPaul's Drag Race?), unhealthy self-soothing (sound familiar, reader who has just opened there second pack of Oreos in 2 hours?), numbing (sound familiar, reader who binge watched RPDR and opened their second pack of Oreos?), and self-harm (please don't do that; if your well-being is at risk, please seek professional help immediately).
Our coping mechanisms can quickly turn against us if we don't keep them in check. But sometimes, we just have no clue what to do. Our reflex is to reach for and eat 2 packets of Pancit Canton and drink a bottle of wine in one evening. That's tummy ache central, but who cares, you're coping, right?
Not exactly. Maladaptive coping can lead to more stress—because you know you're not dealing with the situation the right way—which can eventually lead to mental exhaustion.
So... what do you do now?
Well, the good news is, the flipside to maladaptive coping is adaptive coping. Common forms include finding emotional and social support, practicing relaxation techniques, putting your foot down and actually solving the issue of why you're so sad all the time, laughing the stress off, and exercising. So it's a matter of finding out what truly works for you, and making it work for you rather than against you.
Still lost on what to do? Here are some ideas to help you properly and adaptively cope with how you're feeling:
Feeling lonely? Reach out to someone
Feeling isolated is shitty. It truly is. But you know what's even shittier about it? Science has found that it can lead to premature deaths and dementia. And if you can believe it, it can get even shittier. Feelings of isolation was found to affect the body's inflammatory response, which can lead to cardiovascular disease.
However, not all hope is lost. A brain imaging study conducted at UCLA found that putting our negative feelings into words makes them more bearable.
Matthew D. Lieberman, an associate professor of psychology at UCLA, studied the part of the brain located behind the forehead and eyes and has been associated with naming emotional experiences. He and his team discovered that putting feelings into words helps your manage your emotional responses—and, as a result, the feelings of anger or sadness become less intense.
"This is ancient wisdom," Lieberman said. "Putting our feelings into words helps us heal better. If a friend is sad and we can get them to talk about it, that probably will make them feel better."
So find a friend and vent. It's good for your brain!
Lost your job? Work on that thing you've always wanted to do
Losing a job doesn't only mean you've lost an income stream, but for most of us, we've lost a part of our identity. Do you notice that whenever someone asks What do you do?, our automatic response is what we do for a living? A lot of us anchor our feelings of self-accomplishment, friendships and network, and even our perception of productivity to our jobs, which makes it so much harder to stay locked inside our houses. So now that you don't have a job, what do you do?
The surprising answer is: A lot. There's a lot you can do.
Positively thinking, another way to say, "I have nothing to do now," is, "I have so much time to do everything else." That cookie recipe you always wanted to try? You can do that now. Finally workout? Yep. Research how to start a YouTube channel? All of that is possible now that you have time.
So, keep your head up, and make it work for you. You are not your job; it was just something you did to pass the time. More opportunities are coming, but sometimes, you have to make them for yourself.
Rates of depression are increasing in the midst of the COVID pandemic, in large part due to the unknown we're facing. There is no how-to in dealing with the coronavirus. There is no wisdom from our elders, no Google-able solution. This is not 'normal.' Heck, this depressing time is something are actually calling the New Normal, and that can make even those who have their lives the most on point pretty sad.
Most people, especially those who have recently lost their jobs, are experiencing varying degrees of hopelessness, like there's nothing you can do, you're helpless, and you have no control over what's going on.
("Yes, you do!" some people are angrily typing right now, "You can't control what happens, but you can control your reaction! Just be positive!" Yeah, you guys? SHUT THE FUCK UP.)
Turns out, routines are the secret weapon to combating that feeling.
"If your life has no form to it, if you wake up in the morning with no idea of what to do with yourself, you're going to be miserable," Dean F. MacKinnon, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins, writes to WebMD. "Actually, that can make anyone miserable, whether they're clinically depressed or not."
Creating a structure to your day not only helps you manage your time, but it helps you take back that control. Don't pressure yourself, though—different routines work differently for different people. Find what works for you and work on that. (Try to incorporate healthy habits into your routine, though!)
Feel like everything's too much? Disconnect
Nowadays, social media and TVs become survival tools, and staying attached to your screens keep you sane. But, as it always has, social media presents more danger than good.
Most of us are aware of the effects of social media and screen time on teens, but there's also evidence to back up adverse affects in adults. study published in 2018 found that compulsive media use could trigger social media fatigue, which led to elevated anxiety and depression.
Simon Sherry, a registered psychologist at CRUX Psychology in Halifax, Canada, tells Global News, "Increased screen time [can cause] anxiety, distractibility and loneliness," which can promote a sedentary lifestyle, and interfere with sleep. (Anyone who's stayed up way past their bed time because of social media, say "I.")
All of that plus COVID-19 can lead to something Sherry calls "digital distortion."
"The distortion being that people are being flooded with negative, threatening, panic-inducing information,” Sherry tells Global News, "And that information is becoming over-represented in their mind."
Well, I don't know about you guys, but that sounds completely terrible.
Global News also spoke to Maneet Bhatia, a clinical psychologist in Toronto, and he strongly suggests limiting social media. "Avoid overindulgence of news, articles, posts, especially if you are being overwhelmed," he tells Global News in a separate article. “There is a lot of misinformation and panic/fear, which only serves to heighten one’s own anxieties. If you feel others are sending too much info, you can choose to ask them to stop sending and/or disengage from the conversation.”
We all have that one friend who keeps sharing fake news with crazy headlines on Facebook, and that other one who seems to be living it up, sunbathing next to the pool in their backyard when you're literally about to cry from not being able to go outside of your tiny apartment for the third week in a row.
Here's a piece of advice: Don't worry about whether or not people will feel bad because you unfriended them. Focus on your mental health, and don't be afraid to filter your feed, or your friends list.
Figuring out how to properly cope with and process our emotions isn't easy. Most of us try the wrong thing before finding the right thing, but that's okay. As Lao Tzu once said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," and given times like these, choosing yourself and your mental health is the single step you need.
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