In our last post, we talked about how the world at large is trying to shove some positivity down your throat when your body just rejects the notion of being remotely optimistic at such an ambiguous time. And who can blame you? No one has the right to tell you how to act or feel or behave during a pandemic.
However, knowing that doesn't necessarily get rid of how you feel, does it? In fact, it makes it even more difficult to deal with, because you feel and think all these things when people around you seem to be decently adjusting to the new normal. (To be fair, some probably are, but most are probably not. They are more than likely to just be hiding it better.)
You're not alone in feeling lost and confused. And feeling that is okay! Trust me—it's taken me a few weeks to come to terms with learning to be okay with how you feel. So to help, we've come up with a handy little guide to help you assess your self and your emotions to give you a better grasp on things.
What am I feeling?
Before anything else, it's important to assess where you are right now. Not only in the moment, but also for the past few days, so you can identify behaviours that may affect how you feel or think. And, most importantly, you have to assess yourself honestly. Psychology Today recommends taking the time to reflect on who you're around, how—and how well—you spend your time, how you take care of yourself (Are you feeding yourself properly, or is the third night you're having wine for dinner?), and whether or not you're working on yourself. These things can contribute to your overall mood and attitude.
Grab a pen and a piece of paper and try to write down how you're feeling—it can be as mundane as slightly hungry because you skipped dinner last night to as extreme as seething with hatred at the incompetence of the government. Maybe you feel bad about not working out nine days in a row (e.g., me). Get it out there. You're the only one who'll read it, anyway.
But remember to not be mean to yourself! The trap of self-assessment is that you rate certain behaviours you practice or activities you dedicate your time to to be "a waste of time" or some other negative phrase, which therefore equates to you performing less than stellar in this game called life. Take it as it is, and don't beat yourself up over it. There's always next time.
Do I want to do anything to work that feeling?
So you've assessed yourself, and you've determined that you feel like shit. What next?
Well, that depends. Does the feeling warrant any sort of action?
It depends on the degree of the feeling—if you suffer mental health issues that may be an immediate threat to your wellbeing, seek professional help immediately—but sometimes you just need someone to validate what you feel. That there's nothing wrong with you, that it's normal. That's okay.
Maybe what you're feeling is a mood swing. Maybe that boiling hot anger at everything and everyone is because you're going to have your period in two days. That's all perfectly fine.
Take your time to figure out what's going on. Finding out why you feel that way will give you a clearer picture on what you want to do next. Meditate a little. Go slow. Call a friend and vent a little. (Trust us, they won't mind. If it's after work-from-home hours, they probably have nothing better to do.) Understand yourself beyond what you've written down in your assessment, because chances are, those are just results of something else going on inwardly.
Should I do anything to work that feeling?
Let's say you've determined that you feel like shit, and it's because you've been stuck at home for 50+ days. Great! So this is time to pull out your multi-colored pens and dusty ol' bullet journal and set up a week-long schedule on when to do what, right? That's gonna get you back on track.
Not necessarily.
We all want to be our 100% best all the time—or at least to bounce back immediately—but it's just not possible. Jennifer Rollin from Psychology Today writes, "As a culture we are often taught that we should try to avoid unpleasant emotions at all costs. Thus, for many, the primary impulse when they are experiencing unpleasant emotions is to try to escape from those feelings through [...] self-harming behaviours."
Note the word impulse. Doesn't that sound like pulling out a notebook and scheduling the rest of your life? (I hope you're saying No. Because the answer is No.)
Which leads to the big question: Do negative feelings have to be worked on? Or should you process them?
Once we give in to the impulse to "fix" everything wrong with us, any instance that could display our inability to keep up with some invisible standard is another hit to our self-esteem. It's important to remind yourself that everything you're experiencing isn't permanent, so you don't have to rush into changing anything immediately. Namely, if you're feeling like a piece of shit, chances are that you're feeling like a piece of shit only today. You'll probably feel better tomorrow, or cope better tomorrow.
For example, our inability to fight the coronavirus won't cripple us forever. Two weeks ago, we thought all hope was lost and we're gonna have to stick to this #newnormal forever and ever and ever. Earlier today, a recent article just reported that there has been some optimistic headway into creating a vaccine for the virus. So, that's something, right?
Remember to ask yourself what truly needs your attention—because, most of the time, it's never taking the time to give yourself a major overhaul. Most of the time, it's just a good cry, or maybe even a nap. Or a 6-hour Netflix marathon. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how you process your emotions.
Don't pressure yourself too much. You've been through a lot.
If you or a loved one are experiencing thoughts of suicide ideation, call the National Center for Mental Health crisis hotline at +63 917 989 8727.
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